Yes, I'm An Interrupter. . . .

As we grow older, we become more aware of the qualities that we like and dislike in other people and in ourselves. Everyone has flaws. Things about themselves that they wish they could change. Things about themselves that they are aware of and try to work on. I AM AN INTERRUPTER.

 Now, I'm not saying that this is my one and only flaw. There are many but this is one that REALLY drives me crazy. I'm guessing, that's because it also drives me nuts when other people do it. The strange part is, that I would also consider myself to be a good listener. At least, I genuinely try to be. I care about what other people have to say and I love having deep conversations. Sharing and talking things out. It's so important.

I honestly, believe that I enjoy a good conversation so much, that I just get overly enthusiastic. The words just shoot out of my mouth, before the other person has had a chance to finish their thought. I swear, I don't do it on purpose. The moment that I realize, that I cut someone off, I immediately start beating myself up in my head. I feel like a creep and then try to keep my mouth shut for as long as possible. I get quiet, probably too quiet, because I want the other person to know that I am in fact listening to them.

I have posted before, that I can be socially awkward. When I am meeting someone new, I put a great deal of pressure on myself. I know that I come off as stuck up sometimes, simply because I have no clue how to act. I have been told by many people, that they thought this, when they first met me. I also put a great deal of pressure on myself, to be a "good" friend. I want people, to want to spend time with me. Who doesn't right? Interrupting others, might not seem like a huge deal to some people, but for me it's embarrassing. I can't stand that I do it. Then again, I don't want to be over thinking it so much, that people don't have a chance to get to know the "real" me.

So yes, I am an interrupter...... but I'm working on it :)

"Working" Vs. Staying Home

On Monday, I wrote about how much the role of housewife has changed since the 50's. There is one major difference, that I did not cover. THE JUDGEMENT, that comes along with staying home nowadays. Judgement from who? From other mothers, who work outside of the home.

I have noticed a lot of pins on Pinterest lately related to this topic. Here is an example:

I have the UTMOST respect for parents who work full-time and have children. I honestly don't know how they do it. I do not however have respect for those, who think that they are better than me.

Yes, you have a full-time job.... but guess what? While you are gone during the day, your house stays clean and your children are taken care of. That's the difference. My full-time job IS caring for my children. Would you judge someone who worked in childcare for being tired at the end of the day? No, because you would consider that "working".

MOST people have busy and stressful lives. I will never understand why we have to tear each other down, to feel like what we're doing is more worthwhile. MOST parents work hard. Anyone who has spent a few hours with a young child, understands this.

I realize by posting this blog, I am not going to change any ones mind or the stigma that comes along with being a SAHM. I just wish people would remember that parenting, is hard work, no matter the situation. No one way of doing it, is better than the other.

Not Your 50's Housewife

I am a SAHM and a wife, but sometimes the term "housewife" makes me cringe. Not because I believe there is anything wrong with being a housewife. Women fought for their rights and I think that making the choice to stay home, is also one of our many options. I don't care for the word housewife, because of what other people believe it means. They picture me barefoot and pregnant, standing in front of a sink full of dishes, contemplating what I will spend my allowance on this week.

I recently came across this article online. A guide to being a good wife from "Housekeeping Monthly" in 1955. I was surprised to find that I do agree with some of the points on the list . . . . . sorta.

http://j-walk.com/other/goodwife/index.htm

I do try and have dinner done, when my husband gets home. The reason is because our kids like to eat early, and it's nice for all of us to be able to sit down together. My husband has never asked for this, or been upset on the MANY days, when it just doesn't work out that way.

If I have the extra time, I do try to clear away the clutter. I don't like walking into a room with toys all over the floor. It stresses me out. So I imagine, that he would feel the same way. This I do, because it makes our evening run smoother. Again, this has never been requested and I don't worry if I can't get to it in time.

Lastly, listen to him and don't greet him with complaints. I try to listen to what my husband has to say, but he also does the same for me. He cares about my day, the same way that I care about his. I do make a conscious effort not to bombard him with complaints the moment he walks in the door. I don't really want to hear him complain right away either. We usually save all of that for after dinner. Ha!

That's about it. As far as getting "ready" for him to come home. Most days I am still in comfy pants, with my hair pulled up, and no makeup on my face. This just isn't practical. Sure, I would like too look better at the end of the day, but just because it would probably make me feel better. If he doesn't love me in a sweatshirt and ponytail, then we have a major problem!

Staying at home, has certainly changed. Although, I will admit, I do like to feel like I am taking care of my husband, I also like when he takes care of me. When I do things like, pack him for a trip, it's not because I feel like I have to, it's because I want to. It makes me happy to do those things for him.

The way we run our households and the way we raise our children has also changed. These is so much pressure to be "supermom". Its not all about having spotless floors and making a 4 course meal. We are expected to be involved at school, teach at home to advance our kids, do crafts and activities, play and interact constantly. When is the last time you sent your preschooler outside to play all day, while you went inside to get things done? It just doesn't work like that anymore. If I ask my daughter, to "just go play", she looks at me like I'm an alien. She expects that I will be sitting down to play barbies too. Our lives are busy and full, and we feel guilty if some other mother has her 2-year-old writing their name and ours is still scribbling.

I feel like, if we could take a little of the 50's housewife and a little of the modern day mom, and combine the two thoughts, it would be so much better. There is something to be said about really making a house a home, and definitely something to be said about having an equal relationship with your partner.

Why Do We Try To Scare The Newbie?

Before I even begin, I will admit that I have been guilty of this a time or two.

Why do we try to scare other people? Why do we immediately go to the negative? It seems that the moment we find out that someone is getting married, or expecting their first child, others will begin to tell them all of their war stories.

Here are some examples of what I mean. "Oh, you're pregnant? Well kiss your sleep and your social life goodbye!" . . . . "Getting married huh? Well good luck with that." Seriously? Whatever happened to a simple "Congratulations"??? I recently heard a story, of a woman who announced she was pregnant, and was then bombarded with miscarriage statistics. To me, that's just mean.

Taking these major steps in your life, can be terrifying anyways, how is it going to help to point out all of the potential issues? Yes, new mothers and newly married couples, will have questions. They may even want advice, but let's give them a moment to breathe. Let's tell them all of the amazing things that will be headed their way. Does it somehow make us feel better to make them worry?

I know, that sometimes it feels good, to vent about the stressful situations in our lives. Those new parents and newly weds, will get there too someday. This doesn't mean that they want to hear all of our worst case scenarios, before they have even started. I had medical issues, during both of my pregnancies, and I cannot begin to tell you the stories I heard.. . . .  What do you say? Thank you?

Really, there is no initiation process. It's not like there is a written test or a handbook. They will figure it all out as they go. They need support and encouragement, probably more than they ever have.

Be kind to the newbie.....please!

Nobody Puts Momma In The Corner..... But Sometimes It Might Be Nice!

Having a life full of people who love and need you is an amazing gift. BUT let's be honest, sometimes you just need a break. My calendar has been jam packed for the last few weeks, and with the holiday season approaching, there is simply no slow down in sight.

When you have a family of your own, holidays can be a truly wonderful time, but with that comes more responsibilities. You now have more outfits to plan, more gifts to buy and wrap, and multiple schedules to keep track of. A majority of the extra work, seems to typically fall on the shoulders of the mother.

So after all the running, caring for others, and errands are done..... What then are you doing for yourself? How do you relax?

It seems that most men, have hobbies, that can take them away from the home for multiple days at a time. Hunting, fishing, camping and so on..... Women seem to have hobbies that they squeeze in for a few hours here and there. I go on 2 scrapbooking weekends a year, but I am never farther than a few miles away.

I also try to get away alone, when I can, to do things like get my hair done, or get a massage. Occasionally, I have a dinner out with girlfriends. These things are few and far between though. No matter where I am, or what I am doing, I always seem to be talking or thinking about my family. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, it's just that sometimes we get so wrapped up in our role as wife and mother, that we lose track of who WE are and what WE want and need.

I think it's also important, to plan a few moments throughout each day for just you. Try and wake up before the kids, and drink your coffee alone. Easier said than done, I know. Take a long hot bath at the end of the day, if you can. Watch a completely ridiculous reality t.v. show, just because it clears your head for an hour. Turn the music up real loud on the drive to school, and sing your heart out. Read a trashy romance novel. Do anything, even if just for 10 minutes, that doesn't require you to think of anyone but yourself.

New To The Mommy Game?

Like I said in my last post, the job description of a mother is constantly changing. Although, I have only been in the motherhood game for less than four years, my stories and experiences might be a few steps ahead of where you currently are. If you are a newer mother, you should check out my sister-in-laws new blog. She is sharing her knowledge as she lives and learns in mommyhood.

http://adventuresofnewmama.wordpress.com

Job Description

From the moment, you find out that you're pregnant, you have a new job in life. The description of what that job is and what it requires, begins to constantly change. When you have a newborn, your job is to soothe,snuggle, feed, and meet their every need when they want it met. As they grow and change, so do your responsibilities. Suddenly, you are the safety keeper, the entertainer, the teacher, their personal cook, and the schedule pusher. These roles continue to alter, as time goes on.

I entered a new phase, in my job description as a mother, this year. My oldest started school. Now, I am the driver, the school day preper, the volunteer and the classroom mom. She needs me for much different things than before. I need to wake her up on time, be aware of what is happening at school that day, drop her off, pick her up, and make sure she is doing well in preschool. This life and the relationship between the two of us now, is very new to me. She has people in her world, that I hardly know. She has friendships, that I am not there to watch unfold. She does projects and learns new things, and I am not the one doing the teaching. It's very foreign to me, but I am adapting. She loves school and I love how happy it makes her.

I know that in the not so distant future, she will still need me, but in very different ways. It's part of life. I won't have to cut up her food, or pick out her clothes..... but help her with homework and make sure she's happy. I am still fearful of the day my job description will include teaching her how to drive, or helping her pick out a prom dress. BUT I know, just like every other new stage, we will settle in and find comfort in the parts we play.