The Best Laid Plans . . . will fall apart when you become a parent!

I am a planner. I make lists, pack days before a trip, and think far ahead into the future. I learned quickly after L was born, that even with the best of intentions, plans will change. You become a hostage to their schedule, needs, and moods. During my first pregnancy I had thousands of ideas about how I was going to parent, and the choices I wouldn't budge on. Someone offered me a dishwasher basket for bottles, and I was so nieve I said "I am going to hand wash every bottle." That only lasted a few weeks. I had worked with children and in childcare for so many years, I thought I knew what to expect. MY BABIES were going to be on the perfect schedule right from the start. MY BABIES were never going to watch T.V., it wasn't even going to be on in the house. MY BABIES would be everything all of those crabby babies at daycare were not. WRONG WRONG WRONG! I think the hardest of these realizations came immeditaly when breastfeeding wasn't as "natural" as all the books and nurses made it out to be. I beat myself up for days, weeks even, because my body wouldn't do what everyone thought it was supposed to do. The idea of not being able to give my child the best . . . well it hurt. Not only did I feel like a terrible mother, but in someways the guilt overpowered the feelings you have on those first few wonderful days with your new baby at home.

I still have expectations, hopes, and dreams about how I think this whole child-rearing thing "should" go. But now I am much more relaxed when things don't go as planned. Naps for instance, happen when they happen and I appreciate EVERY moment of them. Bottles are clean, nomatter who or what washes them. The T.V. is on during the day, sometimes a little too often, but I don't beat myself up about it. I sit on the floor and read to my children. I talk and play with them all day. I dance, pretend, and act silly. I cannot feel guilty over the little things. Mommy guilt is overwhleming. EVERY mom has it, but I know in my heart that I am doing the best I can for my children.

* The only pre-mommy rule I have not given up on is . . . NO POP :)