Day twenty two of our cash only month was a failure. After a Sunday morning trip the grocery store, our entire spending budget for the week was gone, and I was in a horrible mood. I stood in the check out line, watching the total go up, and felt like I was going to be sick. The total was $60 dollars more than it was the previous week. What was the problem? I got far too confident.
Where I went wrong on day 22:
- Before leaving the house, I didn't check the cupboards.
- I didn't take a detailed list with me to the store.
- I did not keep a running total in my head while shopping.
I had been practicing this new way of spending for a few weeks, and I thought I had it down to a science. I made a dinner plan for the week, but thought I would be fine without a list. I also made the mistake for going to the store on a Sunday morning, when I had plans later that day. My head wasn't in it and I wanted to get in and out of there as fast as possible. All of these mistakes definitely showed up on the receipt. I was already feeling guilty about going to lunch and a movie with a friend that afternoon because I always find it very difficult to spend money on myself. I convinced myself that we had been doing so well, that I deserved to have a little fun.
I did come home with a few items that I don't always need on a regular basis. Things like dog food and paper towels but it was not enough to make that big of a difference. All I can do now is learn from my mistakes and try again next week. Obviously, we will have to spend money throughout the rest of the week but we will continue to use only cash. The budget is important but the main reason for doing this experiment was to see how using cash affects the way we spend. I know that at the end of the month we will still have saved a decent amount of money.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
The Mommy Friend
I'm not sure if this is true for all mothers but I find friendship to be very difficult now that I have children. I became pregnant with L, when I was 23 years old, just a few months after getting married. I was young, and most other people my age were still going out regularly or just finishing up school. My world changed and completely revolved around someone else. Her needs and her schedule became the most important thing. Long talks on the phone became tricky. Nights out had to be planned and prepared for far in advance. I was a mother now and as amazing as it is, I lost track of what I needed too.
Over 3 years later and I am just now realizing what a toll this took on me personally. While I was at home changing diapers and washing bottles, my friends were all still together. Spending time together, making plans and hanging out. Sure they would call to invite me, every once and a while. After turning them down time after time, the calls began to stop. They knew as well as I did, that we were no longer in the same place.
It became easier and easier to isolate myself. Long days and nights at home. Weekends revolving around only family activities. It got better for awhile, when I went back to work, but even that was childcare and L was always with me. Then after D was born, it got even harder. Leaving the house with two-year-old and a new baby, felt almost impossible. People kept saying "join a mommy group" or "go to story time". Those were all great ideas, but I was still learning how to juggle being a mother of two and trips out felt overwhelming and scary.
It was like I forgot how to be Traci. New people, mothers especially made me nervous. I felt like I had been out of the game for awhile and had a constant fear of being judged. Of course, along with motherhood comes a change in body and image, or at least it did for me. Hair appointments were put off. I felt too exhausted and embarrassed to exercise. I hardly had the energy to throw some jeans in my cart at Target, let alone spend a day trying to put together outfits.I wanted so badly to find that new "best friend", that I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself. If an outing didn't go exactly perfect, I felt like a failure. I was lonely.
So that's it then. I can't be a mommy and have friends. I will stay home,be content and the rest won't matter! Wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!! The rest did matter. There were weeks, when I wouldn't leave the house once unless it was to run to the store or go to a doctors appointment. My only interaction with other adults, besides my husband, was through facebook. For some reason, I found it easier to be "Traci" on the computer. I could comment and tell stories. I wasn't as scared to be myself. Having friends on facebook is completely different than friends in "real life". Although its nice to see what people are up too. I was still sitting behind a computer, in my pajamas, hiding from the world.
I also found myself being a little jealous of my husband. He is constantly being asked to do things and go places with friends. He put in the work to maintain his friendships and I didn't. He is amazing in every social situation and I am not. He is a social butterfly and I am socially awkward.
Writing has become one of the few ways that I express myself. I share things on this blog that I might never say to a stranger in other situations. The more I write, the more I begin to understand who I am. I'm not terrible at it either. The followers and comments give me confidence. Confidence that I have needed for a very long time.
Now that my kids are a bit older, it is getting easier. I am also lucky to have a supportive husband, who encourages me to do things for myself. I'm doing my best to connect or reconnect with people. I have found that other mothers are more understanding. They get it because they too are dealing with the same issues. That's not to say that I only want to be friends with mommies. It just seemed to be the first step. I want to be a better friend and have a more active social life. I am trying to get rid of the pressure and just take it one day at a time. Trying to convince myself that being a mother is not all that I am.
Over 3 years later and I am just now realizing what a toll this took on me personally. While I was at home changing diapers and washing bottles, my friends were all still together. Spending time together, making plans and hanging out. Sure they would call to invite me, every once and a while. After turning them down time after time, the calls began to stop. They knew as well as I did, that we were no longer in the same place.
It became easier and easier to isolate myself. Long days and nights at home. Weekends revolving around only family activities. It got better for awhile, when I went back to work, but even that was childcare and L was always with me. Then after D was born, it got even harder. Leaving the house with two-year-old and a new baby, felt almost impossible. People kept saying "join a mommy group" or "go to story time". Those were all great ideas, but I was still learning how to juggle being a mother of two and trips out felt overwhelming and scary.
It was like I forgot how to be Traci. New people, mothers especially made me nervous. I felt like I had been out of the game for awhile and had a constant fear of being judged. Of course, along with motherhood comes a change in body and image, or at least it did for me. Hair appointments were put off. I felt too exhausted and embarrassed to exercise. I hardly had the energy to throw some jeans in my cart at Target, let alone spend a day trying to put together outfits.I wanted so badly to find that new "best friend", that I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself. If an outing didn't go exactly perfect, I felt like a failure. I was lonely.
So that's it then. I can't be a mommy and have friends. I will stay home,be content and the rest won't matter! Wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!! The rest did matter. There were weeks, when I wouldn't leave the house once unless it was to run to the store or go to a doctors appointment. My only interaction with other adults, besides my husband, was through facebook. For some reason, I found it easier to be "Traci" on the computer. I could comment and tell stories. I wasn't as scared to be myself. Having friends on facebook is completely different than friends in "real life". Although its nice to see what people are up too. I was still sitting behind a computer, in my pajamas, hiding from the world.
I also found myself being a little jealous of my husband. He is constantly being asked to do things and go places with friends. He put in the work to maintain his friendships and I didn't. He is amazing in every social situation and I am not. He is a social butterfly and I am socially awkward.
Writing has become one of the few ways that I express myself. I share things on this blog that I might never say to a stranger in other situations. The more I write, the more I begin to understand who I am. I'm not terrible at it either. The followers and comments give me confidence. Confidence that I have needed for a very long time.
Now that my kids are a bit older, it is getting easier. I am also lucky to have a supportive husband, who encourages me to do things for myself. I'm doing my best to connect or reconnect with people. I have found that other mothers are more understanding. They get it because they too are dealing with the same issues. That's not to say that I only want to be friends with mommies. It just seemed to be the first step. I want to be a better friend and have a more active social life. I am trying to get rid of the pressure and just take it one day at a time. Trying to convince myself that being a mother is not all that I am.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Did She Just Say F**K?
Shock.Silence. My husband and I stared at each other, for what felt like 5 minutes. She didn't, did she? Still in her pure white dress, with the smell of Easter candy on her breath. Our little angel, dropped the F bomb. I immediately told her it was a naughty word and that "we" don't say that. The problem is apparently "we" do.
Neither her father or I would ever let that word slip in front of her on purpose, but its safe to say she heard it from one of us. We both have a potty mouth that isn't pretty. She must have overheard one of us say it. A moment when we didn't think she was listening but obviously was taking in EVERY word we said. She is a sponge and remembers everything.
I finished buckling her in the car after our long Easter Sunday. Took my seat in front, next to my husband. We looked at each other again and smiled. Trying very hard not to start laughing. Not that we want her to talk like that, but you can't deny how hilarious it is to hear a toddler curse. Funny because it isn't expected.
If anything it was a reminder to both of us, that even when we think she isn't paying attention, she is. She is watching, learning, and trying to mimic the words and actions of her parents. She is far too little to understand the "do as I say, not as I do" side of parenting. Being a constant example can be a bit draining and nobody is perfect. All we can do is try our best and hope that someday in the future, a note doesn't come home from school, saying our preschooler swears like a sailor.
Neither her father or I would ever let that word slip in front of her on purpose, but its safe to say she heard it from one of us. We both have a potty mouth that isn't pretty. She must have overheard one of us say it. A moment when we didn't think she was listening but obviously was taking in EVERY word we said. She is a sponge and remembers everything.
I finished buckling her in the car after our long Easter Sunday. Took my seat in front, next to my husband. We looked at each other again and smiled. Trying very hard not to start laughing. Not that we want her to talk like that, but you can't deny how hilarious it is to hear a toddler curse. Funny because it isn't expected.
If anything it was a reminder to both of us, that even when we think she isn't paying attention, she is. She is watching, learning, and trying to mimic the words and actions of her parents. She is far too little to understand the "do as I say, not as I do" side of parenting. Being a constant example can be a bit draining and nobody is perfect. All we can do is try our best and hope that someday in the future, a note doesn't come home from school, saying our preschooler swears like a sailor.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Reality CHECK (please!)
We are ten days into our month of cash only spending, and the change is already amazing. At the end of last week, I compared the numbers to two different weeks on our bank statement. We had spent on average 1/4 of what we had in weeks past. Were we really this careless before? Or are we being far too careful now? I went through the swipes of the debit card bit by bit, baffled at how quickly it all adds up. In those two other weeks, we spent far more on groceries, but then ate out or picked up food several times. If we needed something during the week, instead of driving the extra two minutes to the grocery store, we ran to the local drugstore and probably paid double the price. A trip to Target, went from picking up a few things we needed, to a long receipt of items.
There is something about having the cash in your hands, that makes spending different. You can see clearly what your budget is and how much you have to make stretch the rest of the week. I know that it was far harder to justify certain purchases in my mind. Besides taking the money out at the start of each week, our debit card was only used ONE time, in the past ten days. My husband used it to purchase his fishing license for the year, which to him is a necessity. ONCE, compared to the other weeks, when it was used 12-15 times.
Small Accomplishments so far:
We have eaten dinner at home or at a family members house every night. Making a menu and detailed grocery list, has been so helpful.
I went to Barnes and Noble for a writers' group and did NOT pay $5 for a coffee. Before this started, I would not have hesitated.
We didn't go crazy on Easter items. I stuck to the budget, and our children were still spoiled and happy.
I guess the biggest accomplishment, is that we were able to move a little money to savings. That's always a good feeling.
Of course, there will be challenges. I am not naive enough to think that every week can be this way. Stuff comes up, things break, and surprise expenses lurk around every corner. When those things happen, I think they will be manageable, if we have learned to be much more reserved in our spending. Isn't that the point of having a savings account? In case you need or want to do something with it? In case your normal source of income, is suddenly gone?
I'm not ready to jump over the edge here. I saw a family on t.v., just yesterday, that adds water to whole milk, to make it last longer. I do not want that to be me. My hope is to train myself to think more clearly before I spend. To weed out the necessities from the frills. To find the balance between treating yourself every once and a while and driving through Starbucks for a coffee every other day. I have already learned so much, but I am going to continue on throughout the month of April, to see what else I can learn.
There is something about having the cash in your hands, that makes spending different. You can see clearly what your budget is and how much you have to make stretch the rest of the week. I know that it was far harder to justify certain purchases in my mind. Besides taking the money out at the start of each week, our debit card was only used ONE time, in the past ten days. My husband used it to purchase his fishing license for the year, which to him is a necessity. ONCE, compared to the other weeks, when it was used 12-15 times.
Small Accomplishments so far:
We have eaten dinner at home or at a family members house every night. Making a menu and detailed grocery list, has been so helpful.
I went to Barnes and Noble for a writers' group and did NOT pay $5 for a coffee. Before this started, I would not have hesitated.
We didn't go crazy on Easter items. I stuck to the budget, and our children were still spoiled and happy.
I guess the biggest accomplishment, is that we were able to move a little money to savings. That's always a good feeling.
Of course, there will be challenges. I am not naive enough to think that every week can be this way. Stuff comes up, things break, and surprise expenses lurk around every corner. When those things happen, I think they will be manageable, if we have learned to be much more reserved in our spending. Isn't that the point of having a savings account? In case you need or want to do something with it? In case your normal source of income, is suddenly gone?
I'm not ready to jump over the edge here. I saw a family on t.v., just yesterday, that adds water to whole milk, to make it last longer. I do not want that to be me. My hope is to train myself to think more clearly before I spend. To weed out the necessities from the frills. To find the balance between treating yourself every once and a while and driving through Starbucks for a coffee every other day. I have already learned so much, but I am going to continue on throughout the month of April, to see what else I can learn.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Confessing Your Mommy "Sins"
While watching the Today show this morning, I saw a story about mommy confessions and a website that gives women a place to complain. I immediatly went to the website and began to read. Post after post from mothers, admitting some of their deepest feelings, in what seems to be a guilt free environment. I am honestly not sure how I feel about this site. Truth be told, I myself have posted many times about the struggles and challenges of motherhood. I have said some things to my sister and my own mother, about my parenting experiences, that made me feel awful the moment they came out of my mouth. The comments range from complaining about the judement towards stay-at-home mothers, to an extremely serious confession from a women who called her teenage daughter a nasty name.
Let's be honest. We are all exhausted and overwhlemed at times.There is constant pressure to do it all and make it look easy. It feels good to get it off our chests, and relate to other parents, but is this website taking it a bit too far? Is it healthy or simply fanning the flames? I would love to know how others feel. Please comment below.
www.scarymommy.com
Let's be honest. We are all exhausted and overwhlemed at times.There is constant pressure to do it all and make it look easy. It feels good to get it off our chests, and relate to other parents, but is this website taking it a bit too far? Is it healthy or simply fanning the flames? I would love to know how others feel. Please comment below.
www.scarymommy.com
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Cash Only Week 1
-Figuring out the budget
I began by going through our monthly expenses. Taking out all of the unavoidable bills from our monthly income. Then I took out the expenses we would prefer not to give up. Things like my husbands gym membership, our daughters cheer leading class and so on. From that number, I decided how much money it would be nice to move to savings every month. Divide the left overs by 4 and there I had my weekly shopping budget.
-Preparation
Today is April 1st, and so I started my experiment to make it a cash only shopping month. I began by making a menu for the week. I put together a few recipes and then scoured the cabinets to see what I had and what I needed. This isn't something that I do often enough before shopping. I seem to come home with items we already have every time. I then made my shopping list. This morning, I looked online at the newest coupons available. I didn't find much that matched with my shopping list. Although, I love coupons and good deals, I am not willing to buy products we won't use.
- The challenges
This week is a little different than most. Added to my shopping list were "special" items. I needed to get stamps and Easter basket fillers.Obviously, these can be expensive and took up a chunk of my budget. I will also need to go out later this week to get a birthday gift for my nephew. Luckily, we had a busy week last week because we had lots of family visiting. We only ate dinner at home one night, so our cupboards were not bare.The extras were balanced out by the smaller than normal shopping list.
-At the store
Off I went to the store with only cash.I paid much closer attention to the prices. I looked at the products I would normally buy, but also at the other brands and their cost. I kept reminding myself that I needed to have cash left over for things that may come up during the week. I was definitely more cautious and made it out of the store with spare cash.
This week will be the test. Sticking to the planned dinner menu will be very important. I am also testing whether or not the amount of cash I chose will work. Is it too much or not enough? Is it practical? We will see :)
I began by going through our monthly expenses. Taking out all of the unavoidable bills from our monthly income. Then I took out the expenses we would prefer not to give up. Things like my husbands gym membership, our daughters cheer leading class and so on. From that number, I decided how much money it would be nice to move to savings every month. Divide the left overs by 4 and there I had my weekly shopping budget.
-Preparation
Today is April 1st, and so I started my experiment to make it a cash only shopping month. I began by making a menu for the week. I put together a few recipes and then scoured the cabinets to see what I had and what I needed. This isn't something that I do often enough before shopping. I seem to come home with items we already have every time. I then made my shopping list. This morning, I looked online at the newest coupons available. I didn't find much that matched with my shopping list. Although, I love coupons and good deals, I am not willing to buy products we won't use.
- The challenges
This week is a little different than most. Added to my shopping list were "special" items. I needed to get stamps and Easter basket fillers.Obviously, these can be expensive and took up a chunk of my budget. I will also need to go out later this week to get a birthday gift for my nephew. Luckily, we had a busy week last week because we had lots of family visiting. We only ate dinner at home one night, so our cupboards were not bare.The extras were balanced out by the smaller than normal shopping list.
-At the store
Off I went to the store with only cash.I paid much closer attention to the prices. I looked at the products I would normally buy, but also at the other brands and their cost. I kept reminding myself that I needed to have cash left over for things that may come up during the week. I was definitely more cautious and made it out of the store with spare cash.
This week will be the test. Sticking to the planned dinner menu will be very important. I am also testing whether or not the amount of cash I chose will work. Is it too much or not enough? Is it practical? We will see :)
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